So my wedding is one week from today, and I have now seen the true extend of the wedding industrial complex. Despite my best intentions I am indeed spending lots of money and capitulating to numerous conventions that I didn't particularly plan to.
We've tried to make our wedding reflect our values, and in some ways we am succeeding, and in some ways we are not.
The ways our wedding reflects our hip & zen values:
-Vegan buffet (thanks to Restaurant O), including the cake (thanks to Black China Bakery)...down to the fact that I just remembered this morning to remind the caterer that we need soy creamer for the coffee.
-Simple tri-fold invitations sent, no envelopes, inserts etc. All further info provided on a web site. Invitations were printed on 100% post-consumer recycled paper.
-Our centerpieces are going to be organic, local, season fruits and vegetables...all of which can be taken home by guests at the end of the evening. There are a couple of bouquets and boutennieres (which will also include produce...like kale) but no additional cut flower arrangements.
-Although I initially rejected the idea of a favor, given our centerpieces I finally decided to give a Whole Foods canvas grocery bag as the favor...to enable people to actually take the fruits and vegetables home.
-We provided hotel room blocks that were within walking distance of the wedding venue, and the rehearsal dinner venue. Theoretically guests could arrive in Downtown San Jose for the weekend and never have to drive or take a cab anywhere.
-We provided an online registry site that included a donation to the ASPCA with every gift purchased there.
-We have a small wedding party, and there was no dictating of what could be worn. No big bachelor or bachelorette parties either. No limos or horse-drawn carriages involved (God forbid.) In other words, although we're celebrating with quite a few people, we're trying to keep the pomp and circumstances to a minimum. No tuxes. I'm not wearing some big fouffy wedding dress that cost thousands of dollars. I ordered a simple dress on line for $150 (OK, the alterations cost as much as the dress, but still...)
-You've probably already heard about our rings. Canadian conflict-free diamonds, platinum from a sustainable resources, profit share donated to an African charity.
The ways our wedding could have been improved to reflect our hip & zen values:
-The number one thing we could have changed is to not register for products. Not so much because I'm anti-receiving gifts (and I think gift registries are less tacky than cash registries...which seem newly in vogue) but because of the excess packaging that it involves when stores pack and ship such gifts. I have been fairly appalled at just how much packaging has come into our house. True, most of it is recyclable these days, and I've dutiful broken down cardboard and hauled that and everything inside the boxes all to our recycle bins. But Jeez Louise. My heart sinks every time I open up a huge box and find a smaller box inside surrounded by plastic and paper of all kinds.
Yes, I ended up doing a few things I didn't think I was going to do: I ended up hiring a DJ instead of having an "iPod wedding" (although i did make him mix CDs for both the pre-ceremony, the ceremony, and the cocktail hour.) I ended up getting a guestbook. I ended up with those favors. And of course I ended up conceding and sending those recycled, low-impact invites instead of going completely online for our invitations.
And it got harder to just fall into line with traditional wedding expectations as time went on. You start thinking: well crap, I ended up hiring a florist to do my still-life centerpieces, instead of Whole Foods, so why not have an arrangement for the name card table or for the cakes?
The weirdest moment was when I ended up buying a little taffeta clutch purse to match the shrug I'm wearing with my wedding dress. I looked down at that purchase and feel certain I was in a wedding industrial complex-induced daze when I decided I needed that. Particularly given I already have an evening bag in almost the exact same color that I never get to wear because I don't go do fancy things very often.
Eco-weddings are all the rage right now. I did some stuff really well, and fell down on others.
What have you done or are you thinking of doing...any tips for future brides and grooms?
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